Always Looking
Always Looking by Natasha
Gulls swooping overhead, Remus settled himself down on the damp sand, his fingers squashing into it, getting under his nails. It was really too early for anyone to be up and about, except for a few joggers along the seafront and a man walking his dog down at the edge of the surf.
November was a quieter time of year for the beach, although the town behind him was starting to murmur as it awoke; a car drove past, a snatch of song carried on the wind and lost amongst the cawing gulls.
He held a handful of sand, letting it fall in clumps, then wiping his hand on his tattered trousers.
It must have been twenty years since his first visit to this beach. It had been the height of summer, just after their sixth year at Hogwarts. James had been lying on his towel, picking sand from beneath his fingernails and declaring that he needed a tan so that he would look good for Lily Evans. Peter had smothered himself with sun cream, hiding his ‘delicate’ skin from the August sun.
“Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun,” he told them, adjusting his sunglasses. Sirius had given a bark of laughter at this, dashed off and then reappeared as Padfoot, tugging on Peter’s towel, despite the other boy’s dismayed cries when Padfoot started kicking sand onto him, the grains sticking to the sun cream.
“Come on, boy,” Remus had told him, grinning and patting Padfoot’s head. “Dogs aren’t allowed on the beach.”
Padfoot had cocked his head as if to remark how typical of Remus it was to mention rules. He yelped and dashed off to the water.
Shaking his head, Remus had run after him. He didn’t run much in human form, but he found it strangely liberating, chasing after his friend and pouncing on the large dog in the water while James made catcalls and Peter tried to pick the sand from his skin.
Remus frowned as he looked up at the grey morning sky. You-Know-Who was not really something they had thought about then. That was something vague on the edge of their vision, something for grown-ups to worry about, not them. I must have thought that I would know if things were going to end.
But when you are seventeen and having a day out at the beach, you do not really think about how things could be so different, so wrong, only a few years later.
He decided that the sky was the same colour as Sirius’ eyes. Stormy grey. It was probably going to rain later. Even now, he could see Sirius in everything. Just a hint of a reflection in a shop window, a look in Tonks’ eye, maybe even the sound of the Knight Bus’ tyres in the rain…
The man walking his dog threw a piece of driftwood into the waves, the canine barking excitedly and following after it.
A shadow appeared in the sand in front of Remus and, for a wild moment, he thought it was Sirius. He looked up.
“Wotcher.” Tonks flashed him a lopsided grin. “A little birdie told me I’d find you here.” She paused. “D’you want to go and get some breakfast?”
Remus smiled wearily, letting her help him to his feet. “That sounds lovely.”
He cast a final glance out at the sea; the dog bounded out of the surf, shaking itself, fur darkened by the saltwater almost to black.
I’ve moved on, Sirius. But I’ll never stop looking for you.
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