Revolt of the Pygmy Puffs
Revolt of the Pygmy Puffs by Kat
I. Arnold is Restless
The Gryffindor girls’ dormitory was full of pink fluffy things but to Arnold’s disgust, none of them were other Pygmy Puffs. Not that this prevented him from giving them a bit of a go, just in case.
This usually prompted squeals of “ooh, isn’t he cute?” and “look at him trying to climb!”
He would then inevitably be smothered. They called it hugging. He would be hauled upwards inexorably higher until clasped to some girl’s flushed and heaving bosom. Which he wasn’t interested in. Human girls just weren’t hairy enough.
Arnold hadn’t liked it when that Potter boy had dumped his Ginny. Not for any protectiveness on her part, of course. But she had started hugging him really close at night and crying on him. The tears had made his fur stick together in clumps and the salt stung his eyes (wherever they were). And he would be trying to get to sleep, thank you very much, and the sobbing didn’t help there.
He had tried to avoid the attention by rolling around in dust and mud and getting filthy. It didn’t really help though. They just washed him in soapy water, dried him, and then combed his fur for hours.
And don’t, just don’t mention the cats. Or the owls.
So Arnold made a plan. A little known fact about Puffskeins is that they can communicate telepathically. After all, with no discernable vocal language how else were they going to do it? Arnold screwed up his fur in concentration and sent out the message. Every Pygmy Puff in Hogwarts heard the call and they all wholeheartedly agreed. Some had been downright mistreated or ignored, but by far the most common complaint was of chronic over attention. They were sick of it.
There was only one conclusion: the Pygmy Puffs were going to war as only a Pygmy Puff can!
II. The Pygmy Puffs are Revolting!
Not a book on the planet will tell you of the true nature of the Pygmy Puffs. While they may look like women’s powder puffs –and believe me, that has been the fate of many a sleeping Puff- they were in fact bred for war. Like their bigger cousins the Puffskeins. Pygmy Puffs possess long yellow tongues. They use them to garrotte victims with surprising strength. Similarly, concealed in that innocent fluff sharp teeth lie hidden away until the right moment.
The Gryffindor girls died first, most never even waking from their slumbers. Arnold saved Ginny for himself, throttling her until her face clashed quite horribly with her hair.
The boys were next. Potter died of a slashed throat, his arm still reaching out for his glasses. With psychic sniggers the Pygmy Puffs removed his head completely, swapping it with that of the ginger boy he always hung around with. And as it was nearly Christmas, they draped entrails around the dormitory until it looked quite festive.
Then it was out of the Gryffindor quarters and into the corridors. More Pygmy Puffs joined them along the way, wearing the blood of their former owners. Soon a wave of Pygmy Puffs was bouncing down the stairs. Mrs Norris, an old enemy to all things small and fluffy, met her end very quickly.
Finally, the Pygmy Puffs were outside the castle and hurrying through the grass, free at last. In fact, it was all going swimmingly until they met the Death Eaters out in the grounds.
The black-clad wizards were tiptoeing towards the castle, grinning behind their masks. Every now and then some of them would attempt a synchronised sideways hop, wishing they knew how to tap-dance. Their matching outfits just cried out for a dance number.
In doing this, one of them stood on a Pygmy Puff called Ricardo.
There was a sad little scrunching sound that every Pygmy Puff felt in their fluffy little hearts. They all held still for a moment, mourning the loss of their comrade.
Then they attacked.
People would later wonder what had happened to Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Only very small pieces were ever found.
III. Pygmy Puff Paradise
Far from the prying eyes of wizards and Muggles the Pygmy Puffs formed their own colony where they could live as they wanted. Cats and birds were savaged on sight and their remains spread around as a warning to others. Soon little baby flufflets were being born (somehow) and the colony kept growing.
And Arnold found himself a purple Pygmy Puff of indeterminate gender to rub fluffballs with and they lived happily ever after.
The End
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