The Fortress of Shadows 1
Chapter One: An Unexpected Portkey
Ron scratched his nose, staring around with a thoroughly unimpressed look on his face. “Where the bloody hell are we?”
“I dunno.” Harry sighed from where he had landed on the ground. “It must be Thursday,” he grumbled. “I never did get the hang of Thursdays.”
“Or portkeys,” Ron remarked with a grin, holding out a hand to help Harry up. “Any idea where we are, Hermione?”
She shook her head, cradling Crookshanks to her chest. “No,” she said. “Sorry.” Hermione frowned. “But, honestly, who would have thought that the Green Flame Torch would be a portkey?”
“I know what you mean,” Harry said. He pushed up his glasses. “Especially after all the trouble we went to getting to the Pyramids of Furmat.”
“And after all the trouble I went to deciphering those runes on the Pillar of Storgé,” Hermione added.
Harry suddenly frowned at the portkey Hermione was still holding. “That’s weird, shouldn’t Icicle have been right behind us?”
Ron shrugged, on the verge of a sneezing fit as Hermione scanned the torch with her wand, trying to trace where their icy friend may have got to.
“I guess now isn’t the time for jokes about fire, huh?” Harry laughed, giving Ron a tissue from his pocket as Crookshanks threatened to scag his shoes for firing snotballs at him.
“That’s not funny, Harry, she must have got trapped half-way between Grimmauld Place and wherever we are. Which can only mean one thing,” she concluded, a sense of foreboding overwhelming her small features. “We’re going to have to put the whole Horcrux plot on hold and go do that “saving people” thing again.”
Harry gave a whoop for joy, whipping his wand out very suddenly, a huge grin on his face. Hermione rolled her eyes as she picked Crookshanks back up and tucked the torch under her arm.
“That’s not fair,” growled Ron, handing the grotty rag back to Harry, wiping the remaining slime from his nose on the back of his sleeve. “That leaves me no time to have a romantic yet totally irrelevant and irrational subplot. I want my snogs, dammit!”
Hermione looked between the cat and Harry, who, the moment he caught her eye, started shaking his head viciously.
“No, no way. That’s just wrong. He’s Ginny’s brother and my best friend! No. I refuse to do it. Go get your homoerotic kicks from the internet like normal people.”
Crookshanks simply screwed up his face, entirely unamused.
“Alright. Ron, if I snog you, then will you shut up? We need to get on with saving Icicle so we can get back to finding all the Horcruxes and destroying them so that Harry can have a peaceful life bonking your sister. You know, because he and his beast love her.”
Ron huffed. “No, that’s alright, Harry. I’ll do without the snogging for now.”
“For now?” repeated Harry, a slight tremble in his voice.
Hermione cleared her throat. As much as she wanted to see Harry and Ron kissing (damn, that was an image that was going to be haunting her for a while) there was work to be done. “We’ve got someone to save,” she reminded them as the boys turned to look at her.
Harry brightened immediately. “Wicked. Where shall we start?”
Hermione stroked her chin thoughtfully. “Well, the obvious answer would be at the beginning…”
“A very good place to start,” agreed Ron.
“So, that would be where?” asked Harry, playing the loveable idiot for all he was worth and hoping like hell no one would notice he really was that stupid.
“Honestly,” huffed Hermione, “did you never read The Universe: A History?” She cleared her throat.
“In the beginning was the word, and the word was Shazam…”
“So you’re saying we lost Icicle when we were using the time-turner in conjunction with the portkey?” asked Ron, sounding uncharacteristically as if he was listening. Hermione looked both shocked and impressed.
“Yes.”
“Which means she could be just about anywhere?”
“Yup.”
“We’re screwed.” sighed Ron, slumping down on a damp rock as Harry lit his wand, looking around.
“We need a way of contacting Ginny, Neville and Luna. Maybe she’s with them.”
“I suppose it’s better than sitting around doing nothing,” agreed Hermione, looking pointedly at Ron as they walked through a nearby dark tunnel, trying to find an exit.
Harry came to a halt. “Doesn’t this place seem familiar?”
“A bit,” Hermione relented.
“Looks a bit like Hogwarts.” Ron was as helpful as ever.
“I think it is Hogwarts,” Harry agreed. “This looks like the dungeons. If I’m right, the Entrance Hall should be at the top of those stairs.” The light from his wand illuminated a stone staircase, and Harry started up them, confident that they’d be able to get everything sorted soon. Who knew: maybe they’d even be home in time for tea.
At the top of the stairs, Harry held back, signalling to Ron and Hermione to stay quiet when he heard laughter.
“Hey, Moony. Did you see Snivellus’ face?”
“Yeah,” a second voice agreed. “Almost felt sorry for him. Almost,” the voice added hastily.
Harry peeked out and then looked back at Ron and Hermione, pale in the face. “We’re in Hogwarts,” he confirmed. “But I think we might have a slight problem.”
Hermione, unsurprisingly, worked it out quicker than Ron.
“We’re at Hogwarts at the same time as your Dad?” she gasped. “Oh no!”
“Why ‘oh no’?” asked Harry, who was quite warming to the situation. After all, it’d be nice to meet his dad for once. He rather suspected he had unresolved ‘daddy issues’, what with being from a broken home and all that. Well, less broken than blasted apart by Voldemort.
“‘Cause we’ll meet the Marauders and I’ll inevitably fall in love with Snape or something and end up being your mother!”
Ron looked confused. “Why?”
Hermione looked exasperated. “Well … just ’cause, okay?”
Ron scowled. “Don’t see why it has to be you,” he muttered, “might be me who falls in love with Snape. Or at the least, has a torrid affair with him, destined to end in heartbreak and bitterness.”
Harry sensed the attention was being drawn away from him. “It might even be me.”
Hermione and Ron both gave him long, what-the-hell-are-you-thinking looks.
“You hate Snape more than anyone,” said Hermione.
“Yeah, but…” Harry waved his hands. “You know, hate turns into love and all that. Like me and Draco. Ginny suggested that him and me get together for group counselling at some point.”
Hermione and Ron both looked at each other and made a joint decision to change the subject, for different reasons.
“Let’s just not fall in love with anyone, okay?” suggested Ron.
“Especially you, Harry,” warned Hermione. “You must not, I repeat, NOT fall in love with your mum. You’ll only end up becoming your own father.”
“Really?” Harry stroked his (still stubble-free) chin thoughtfully. “Explains why I thought I saw my dad sending that Patronus when the Dementors were attacking me and Sirius…”
“NO!” said Hermione.
“I say, Moony, Prongs,” came a voice, “there’s some people down here.”
“Groovy, Padders,” said another. “Who’re they?”
“I’ll find out.” A boy of their own age dropped down in front of them. He swept shiny black hair from in front of his face. “Hi,” he said.
Harry and Ron were surprised to hear a thump from behind them. They turned. Hermione had fainted dead away with a blissful smile on her face.
“Now look what you’ve done,” said Ron, exasperated. “You broke Hermione!”
Harry, however, was staring at the newcomer. “We really are in the seventies.”
Ron looked up sharply from where he was helping Hermione up. “Are you serious?”
A bemused look spread across the newcomer’s handsome face. “Yeah. How’d you know my name?”
“He said ‘serious’, not ”Sirius’,” Harry explained, feeling that this was all a little too surreal.
“Ah. Right. That happens a lot.” He turned on Harry, raising his eyebrows as he took in the familiar face. “Prongs?” he called over his shoulder, voice wavering. “What was that stuff we were smoking last night? Because… damn.”
James stepped forward, suddenly able to see what Sirius was frowning at. Lupin too had approached the group, arms folded, an amused expression on his face. “That’ll teach you, stealing
herbs from the Herbology stores!”
Prongs ignored Moony, instead choosing to walk right up to Harry, carefully reaching out and gingerly poking him. “He’s real, Padfoot! It’s not a hallucination.”
Hermione, who was now being propped up by Ron, her head rested against his chest, frowned in deep concern.
“You’ve obviously fallen into a pensieve and, having changed a memory, you’ve landed yourself in a parallel universe. Duh.”
Ron looked confused. “And here I was thinking we’d just travelled back in time.”
“Back in time?” The young Remus Lupin looked sceptical. “How?”
“Er, bit of trouble with a portkey and time turner.” Harry shifted uncomfortably, offering James a nervous smile. “Hi, Dad.”
“Dad?” mumbled James, bemused, eyeing up the spectacled lad who looked as if he could well be his brother. “This isn’t funny, Remus. If you’re trying to teach us a lesson then quit it. We’ve learnt, alright, no more taking liberties with school supplies. Now please stop this.”
“It’s got nothing to do with me,” insisted Lupin, shrugging his shoulders, looking to Sirius and then James sympathetically.
As the reality of what was happening sunk in, Harry’s lips spread into a stupid grin. His eyes shining, he turned to James, ecstatic, arms wide open ready to embrace his father in a bear hug. “You’re alive! This means the end to my daddy issues!”
“On a rather more fatal note,” Hermione interjected, “We’ve still got to find the Horcruxes.”
“Horcruxes?” said Lupin interestedly. “What’re they?”
“Um… evil Dark magic,” said Ron. “Very bad mojo.”
“It’s a way of splitting your soul into several parts to prolong your life,” explained Hermione, who had recovered enough to at least stand upright.
“Sounds good,” said Sirius, quickly smoothing back his hair. He wasn’t exactly attracted to Hermione but hey, she was female. “Bet we could master it in a couple of weeks. We managed to become Ani… mmph!”
James casually elbowed him in the stomach.
“It’s all right,” said Harry hastily, “we know about the Animagi thing already. You didn’t have to hit Sirius.”
“Yes, you did,” muttered Ron, not liking the way Hermione was pulling her school jumper a little tighter across her chest.
“So, you need to find these Horcrotch thingies then?” asked Sirius. “We could help you!”
“Sounds like a plan!” said Harry excitedly.
“There could be a problem with that,” interrupted Hermione thoughtfully. “We have no idea if Voldemort even has any Horcruxes by this point in time. And if he does, how in Merlin’s name are we going to find them?”
“Oh, Gandalf’s eyebrows, Hermione! You always know how to ruin our fun,” moaned Harry. “We could be going on an adventure with my Dad and Sirius still alive and…uh…”
“What do you mean “still alive”?” demanded James and Sirius together.
“On second thoughts,” said Hermione brightly, “let’s go hunting Horcuxes!”
“Where should we start?” asked Harry quickly.
“Well,” said James, “we found this funky room in the castle. It provides you with whatever you need. We call it, uh, the Room of Happy Pornness.” He blushed.
“We don’t,” said Sirius, with a sly wink at Remus. “We call it the Doghouse.”
“I don’t think I know that room,” said Harry bemusedly.
“Oh, well, it’s this room that provides you with anything you need. Like, anything…”
“Oh,” said Hermione and Ron together, “we know…”
“Where?” demanded Harry.
“Room of Requirement, silly,” said Hermione. “Don’t tell me you’ve never used it for anything like that!”
“No!” said Harry, a little too quickly.
“Ginny must be disappointed,” muttered Hermione aside to Ron, who screwed up his face in disgust.
“There was this one time,” said Harry slowly, “when I was, you know, needing to walk the dog…”
“We know that feeling,” chipped in Sirius and Remus.
“…ew. Anyway, I went up there and went in … expecting, you know, something good… and there was a bed, and lube, and tissues, and all these magazines… but they were full of pictures of guys! And I’m not gay!”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Nah, you are. Bent as a nine-bob note.”
Hermione and Ron nodded in agreement.
James beamed. “You are my son after all!”
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